Why You Should Not Stereotype
by Kaleyanne
Summary: The YYH characters have decided to show us all up and write the most stereotypical fic ever seen. Complete.
1. Cyoa and Dragonball Z References

_Summary: When a youko thief is caught stealing precious items, Cyoa joins Kurama and Hiei in capturing her. But Cyoa and the thief are mysteriously connected?! How?! this is my 1zt fic, so plz b nise 2 me. no flames god don't sumeriez suk?  
  
_"Ooh, perfect!" Botan exclaimed. "My turn!"  
  
"All I've written is the summary," Shizuru protested. "At least let me start the story."  
  
Botan pouted. She had wanted to start the story, but then again, she had lost the Rock-Paper-Scissors game. She had hoped that letting Shizuru write the summary would have tricked the bigger girl into letting her start, but, alas, no such luck.  
  
"Riiight," Shizuru began, thinking out loud. "Cyoa needs a mysterious and implausible background, with an amazing coincidence connecting her to Kurama, Hiei or both."  
  
"Maybe she was a Youko thief in a previous life," Genkai suggested, from her spot in front of the TV. She was currently kicking the collective butts of Yusuke, Kuwabara and Kurama in Dragonball Z: Budokai.  
  
Kurama frowned, as his Trunks was currently being stomped into the ground by Genkai's Great Saiyaman. "You know, for all the viewers know, I'm completely unique. There's no proof any other youko existing. I could just be a regular old fox. I am a shapeshifter, you know."  
  
"Do they?" Keiko asked, juggling Puu and a book on her lap. "I mean, they only mention you shapeshifting in your very first appearance."  
  
"Okay, so we got a youko thief," Yusuke interrupted. He pulled his Goku away from the beating Saiyaman was giving Trunks, and proceeded to launch a Kamehameha at Yamcha, played by Kuwabara, who quickly performed a Wolf Wind as a counter.  
  
Trunks died.  
  
"Damn," Kurama commented to no one.  
  
"Okay, youko thief," Kuwabara agreed. "Let's say she stole Kurama slash Hiei's..."  
  
"Teddy bear," Shizuru snickered.

"Teddy WHAT?" Hiei demanded, from his spot on the window sill. "And put the girl with Kurama, he's more popular in the anime anyways."  
  
"You're just bitter because I'm drawn better than you."  
  
"Shut up and lose your stupid video game."  
  
"What is a teddy bear?" Yukina repeated.  
  
"It's a toy that human children use for comfort," Kuwabara explained, turning away from the game... and giving Yusuke ample opportunity to perform the Spirit Bomb. "Men like us aren't supposed to use them, though. Aw, geez, Urameshi, that's cheating!"  
  
"Should've hit the pause button," Genkai chided. "Ready for sudden death, boy?"  
  
"Dig your grave, Grandma, you'll be rolling in it soon."  
  
"Okay," Shizuru said.  
  
_Kurama sighed as he lamented the loss of his prized teddy bear pajamas. They had been stolen by a stunningly beautiful youko thief more than eighteen billion centuries ago, because he's just that old. The youko thief had been a bitch for stealing his jammies, but he still secretly lusted after her anyway.  
  
_Botan giggled insanely. "It's sad, but I can really see Kurama in teddy bear pajamas."  
  
"With a hood, and footsies," Yusuke snorted.  
  
Kurama groaned. "Why am I always the singled out one, anyway? I always get my tail kicked, even when I win, I get mistaken for a woman at least once, and I have to do all the emotional kills. And I have to be suicidal, like, once an arc. And I have to know everything two episodes sooner than the rest of you." He sighed. "It's so unfair."  
  
"Deal," Genkai snapped, Saiyaman posing like a moron on the screen.  
  
Shizuru got up and gestured for the still-giggling Botan to take over.  
  
The blue-haired girl smiled wickedly and began her work.  
  
_One random day out of the blue, which falls sometime between the Dark Tournament and the Sensui arc, Koenma discovered a stunningly beautiful youko thief named Cyoa was on a rampage, stealing pajamas left and right. Fearing for his own lacy, pink nightgown, he summoned Yusuke, and the others.  
  
Except for Kuwabara, because he sucks.  
_  
"Pink? Lacy? NIGHTGOWN? How much do you hate me, Botan?" Koenma demanded.  
  
"At least she's the only one," Kuwabara grumbled. "Everyone and their Dragonball Z-obsessed little brother hates me. Just because I'm the so- called stupid human. Newsflash, kids: you're all human, too!"  
  
"Affection is not a good thing," Kurama said darkly.  
  
"At least you've never been turned into a cat," Hiei added.  
  
"Mrow?" Eikichi asked, from his vantage point on Yukina's lap. She liked to visit the Kuwabara siblings, and had become quite attached to the little kitty. "Meooooow."  
  
"Yes, Eikichi," the ice maiden murmured. "We know how much you love Kazuma. We know what a good man he is."  
  
Botan smiled at the little demon before turning back to their fanfiction.  
  
_Yusuke entered Koenma's office, despite only having been there once in his entire life. Or death. Koenma conveniently forgot that he usually just sent a video tape or a Botan to explain things. Yusuke was followed by Kurama and Hiei, who, when not indulging in a maddeningly hot romantic relationship, because they're just too pretty to be straight, were also conveniently taken by Cyoa-- me, the authoress!  
_  
"I don't like where this is going," Kurama commented, as Botan finished reading. "Let me go."  
  
_As the words continued to pile up, the self-same authoress harboring an undying love for certain cartoon characters smiled. She also forgot that almost no one used the terms authoress or poetess anymore, because they're considered sexist.  
  
She quickly made up a senseless mission about catching her Cyoa, the youko- thief, and decided that as a new addition to replace the yucky Kuwabaka, the human counterpart of Cyoa would assist them as Reikai Tantei.  
  
Koenma called Cyoa at home, where she was currently writing her fanfiction. Since it was self- oops, reader-insertion, she could do that.  
  
"Cyoa," Koenma said. "You must help the Reikai Tantei on a new mission to catch a youko thief!"  
  
Since you're Cyoa, do you a) accept to work with the Reikai Tantei, or b) go catch the youko thief on your own?  
  
_"Of course she'll work with Kurama," Genkai said. "Saiyaman wins again, idiot boy."  
  
"Best two out of three," Yusuke objected.  
  
"You're on."  
  
Keiko just smiled as she turned a page. Yusuke was so amusing to watch. It was beyond her, why people thought she would ever hinder her beloved whatever he decided to be intentionally. She missed him, yes, and wished he would not fight all the time, but there really wasn't much she could do about it. She knew that. Yusuke had responsibilities, and she was so proud of him for not shirking them.  
  
"Kurama," she asked. "May I go next?"  
  
"You may."  
  
_Cyoa accepted, and the boys cheered. They were just about to leave to meet her when the door ominously opened...  
  
Standing in the doorway was Keiko!!!  
_  
"You should spell it that English-phonetic way they do," Kuwabara commented, reaching over to scratch Eikichi's ears.  
  
"Puu! Puu puu puu PUU!" Yusuke's spirit beast agreed.  
  
"Oh, that's not their fault," Yukina said. "That's how they see it spelled on the television device."  
  
"Right," Keiko said, stroking Puu's black head-fluff fondly. She loved the darling little bird-thing dearly. "I can't make fun of them for something that was done to make their lives easier. The adaption company was doing their best to make our show an enjoyable experience."  
  
_"Oh no," Yusuke muttered.  
  
"Yusuke!" the harpy screeched. "How dare you go on a mission without telling me, never you mind you haven't had the chance!"  
  
Nothing, said Puu, for he might as well have not existed, considering how little he appeared in fanfiction.  
  
Kurama and Hiei deftly snuck out the non-existent back door and secret passage and decided to meet Cyoa on their own. Now they were on their own without any inferior, less attractive humans to prevent them from their passionate love affair with each other-- I mean me, the authoress. Because they're mi—er, ours. Yeah.  
  
_"The next one to mention me in a romantic relationship dies," Hiei snapped, Jagan reaching across the room's distance to read Keiko's addition. "I'm a bachelor until the last sixteen episodes of the series. Then it's questionable."  
  
"Yeah, just like your sexuality," Kuwabara chortled.  
  
"Hey, he's better than Kurama!" Yusuke smirked, as Goku unleashed the Kamehameha to end all Kamehameha. "The closest thing he has to a love interest is his mother."  
  
Keiko stood up. "Would you like to go next, Hiei?" she asked sweetly, slyly glancing at the other three boys.  
  
Hiei smirked. Not just smirked, he flat-out grinned, displaying his finely- pointed fangs.  
  
"I would," he said, evilness evident in his deep voice.  
  
"Uh-oh," Kurama muttered.  
  
_The clever thief slash assassin Hiei and the clever fox thief Kurama cleverly left the uncleverly guarded Reikai Compound. Once outside, they decided to somehow leave Reikai cleverly and meet the cleverly hidden Cyoa.  
_  
"I think you embellish the intelligence issue more than the fanfiction writers," Kuwabara said, mock-gently.  
  
"Isn't that the point?" Hiei asked. "This is a parody."  
  
_Cyoa was waiting in front of Kurama's door for the clever thieves. The energy surrounding the home of the clever kitsune (AN: which is what Kurama is, didn't you know? It's like a foxy-spirity thingy. It's his species. Yeah, anyways) was oddly familiar to Cyoa. As if she had felt it in a previous life. (AN: ).  
  
Cyoa was a little worried about the mission. Her lovely, aquamarine, unusual even in anime eyes shone with gentle concern. Her slim, sexy figure is exactly what this authoress wishes she had, so I'm sure all you preteen girls can imagine it quite well. And she had long, ankle-length purple hair, even prettier than Trunks. (AN: If you don't watch DBZ OMG Trunks is the sexiest bishounen since Youko Kurama!)  
  
N-E-wayz, Cyoa was worried. Her memory had been blanking lately. She was having strange sensations, too. She would be somewhere and not know how she got there. Yes, I stole these symptoms from Harry Potter.  
_  
"Hiei... how do you know about Harry Potter?" Shizuru asked, amused.  
  
"All those damned crossovers, I figured I might as well check it out."  
  
"Hiei!" Yukina exclaimed eagerly. "Kazuma and Shizuru bought me those books; who is your favorite character?"  
  
"...Fred and George."  
  
"Mine too!" she cried. "It's a coincidence!"  
  
"An interesting coincidence," Kurama snickered.

"Very interesting," Yusuke agreed.  
  
"I'll show you interesting," Hiei snapped.  
  
_Cyoa narrowed her eyes as she sensed the approach of Kurama and Hiei. She just knew it was them. At least Kurama, that hot, sensible, un- Kuwabaralike, pretty, gorgeous, red-haired, sexy bishounen...  
_  
"How many times have you said the word 'sexy,' Hiei?" Shizuru asked, interested.  
  
"Not as much as they do."  
  
"True."  
  
_"Ohayou, Cyoa-chan," Kurama greeted, despite the fact that it was four in the afternoon, and he barely Cyoa.  
  
"Konnichiwa," Cyoa answered, which should never be a response for 'Ohayou gozaimasu,' unless the clock is changing from 11:59 to 12:00. Besides that, she was busy staring at Kurama's very stare-able body.  
_  
"Where are you getting this?" Kuwabara demanded. "You've written more than anyone!"  
  
"Anger issues," Hiei answered. "Here, I'm making myself sick, anyway."  
  
Kuwabara settled himself in front of the screen to type.  
  
_Kurama was equally stunned by the lovely Cyoa. Her curvy body was well- proportioned and he could easily imagine having it for his own, he looked so much like a girl.  
  
_"Okay, STOP RIGHT THERE," Kurama said. "No more mentions of my appearances or I will... get violent."  
  
Genkai glanced at the clock on the wall. "It's near eleven o'clock. Shizuru, Kuwabara, when did you say your parents would be home?"  
  
"We didn't," Kuwabara answered. "They might as well be nonexistent, remember? I could store Urameshi in my bed for days without them noticing."  
  
"Either way, I need to get home," Keiko said, cuddling Puu closer to her heart as she stood. "Want to come home with me, sweetie?"  
  
"Puu!" he chirped in the affirmative.  
  
"Me, too," Kurama said absently. "Mom's tolerant with me disappearing for days on end, but she's still a mom."  
  
"I know, you'd think my pop has better things to do than worry about whether or not I'm home late," Koenma said. "Let's go, Botan."  
  
"Granny, why don't you and Yukina stay here tonight?" Shizuru suggested. "Hiei and Yusuke, too. No point in going if you don't have to, right?"  
  
"Good idea," Genkai said.  
  
"All right then, pals: we break for now, but reconvene here at the Kuwabaras' apartment tomorrow. Got it?" Yusuke asked.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"See you then! Meow!"  
  
"Sweet dreams, dear Yukina."  
  
"Puu!"  
  
"Kazuma, may I please have Eikichi sleep in my bed? I don't like strange beds."  
  
"I am NOT sharing a room with Kuwabara."  
  
"Yusuke, make sure you sleep, don't play video games all night!"  
  
"Quit nagging me!"  
  
"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE AND GO TO SLEEP!" Shizuru thundered.  
  
---

Seven pages... I HAD to break it apart. Rest coming at an undisclosed time.


	2. Hn, Romance Sucks

Hey. Things are a little harsher in some points here, and it isn't as good as before. Basically, we get to my pet peeve in fanfiction-- the portrayal of the Obligatory Bishounen (ie-- Kurama) as an insatiable sex-fiend. It isn't graphic, but I figured it would be best to warn you. I think it deserves a PG13 rating, at least. I also started making fun of the anime. I couldn't help it.

There's also some vague hints at Kuwa/Yuki romance, because I just can't write a fic without those two anymore!

Oh, and one more thing: I really, really love Sensui. Really.

----

As the sunlight gently glided through Kuwabara's window, the three boys camping the room tried their hardest to ignore it. Yusuke hated waking up, and Kuwabara hated getting out of bed. Hiei hated waking up AND getting out of bed.  
  
But ever-so-quietly, Kuwabara kicked his sheets off. As the host (and because his sister threatened him), he had offered Yusuke and Hiei his bed. Yusuke and Hiei had proceeded to play a rousing game of Rock-Scissors- Paper... which Hiei lost.  
  
As usual.  
  
Quietly as he knew how (living with Kurama and Hiei for a few weeks in a hotel full of people who wanted to watch you die was wonderfully educational), Kuwabara crawled out of his sleeping bag, and over to the door. He carefully opened it, slowly, trying to keep it from creeking. And again closed it as gently, to keep from waking Hiei and Yusuke. Even though Kuwabara didn't know anyone who was a morning person (even Keiko was psycho until her orange juice), everyone he knew was a very light sleeper.  
  
Pleased with his superior sneaking skills (you can learn something from ninja movies!), he slowly made his way to the computer. Pulling out the chair, Kuwabara settled himself in, to finish his part of their parody fic.  
  
"Kazuma?" a soft voice asked. "Is that you?"  
  
Okay, he knew one morning person.  
  
"Good morning, Yukina," the delinquent whispered. "Did you sleep well?"  
  
"I slept very well, thank you," Yukina answered. "Eikichi was a great comfort, thank you so much for letting me borrow him." The ice maiden scratched the kitty's fuzzy little back, cuddling him to her breast. Eikichi purred happily.  
  
Kuwabara smiled. Yukina was so very graceful, especially around animals. Her lovely, rosy eyes crinkled at the edges, as her delicate lips parted to reveal a toothpaste-ad smile. The small demon was a delight to watch; Kuwabara was content to simply watch over her as long as she lived.  
  
Allowing Eikichi to rest on her shoulder, she peered at the computer. "Are you planning to continue the fanfiction?" Yukina asked.  
  
Kuwabara shrugged. "It is my turn. Kurama cut me off last night."  
  
Yukina nodded. "It was quite amusing, what you were writing about Kurama," she confessed. "Please don't tell him I said that, I don't want to offend him."  
  
"Aw, he won't be mad." Kuwabara grinned. "He knows he looks like a girl, he really just can't help it."  
  
"I hope not," Yukina murmured. "Please, may I see what you write, Kazuma?"  
  
"Of course, my dear."  
  
_Kurama's finely-shaped jaw was scraping the grass as he stared at Cyoa. She was, in a word, hot. In fact, she looked just like the sexist authoress. And she could probably blow up the world. Bring the world Death Revolution like Utena or Hotaru. (AN: OMG Utena and Sailor Moon are just like so cool. As an true otaku I must showoff my knowledge of different anime to be all superior and the like.)  
  
Even the sexless Hiei was gaping at the artist formerly known as Cyoa. She was almost as pretty as Yukina.  
  
"Oh, Yukina, how I angst," Hiei said out loud. Because it's Hiei and Hiei... angsts. Yeah. You just can't write about Hiei and not include Yukina, you know?  
  
_"It's a good thing we skipped ahead and read all the internet spoilers," Yukina murmured. "Otherwise I would not know that Hiei is my brother."  
  
"Yeah, but that also lead to discovering all those detestable fanfictions," Kuwabara pointed out. "Still, it's good knowing that your brother is around."  
  
_You can't write Hiei and not include Kuwabaka bashing, either. Hiei suddenly thought of the amazingly stupid human and how much he angered him. He was Stupid, Useless, and a Good For Nothing. He was also a Stupid Human, and therefore Sucked.  
  
Hiei conveniently forgot that it was Kuwabara who defeated Byakko, Risho, those random guys in the Genkai arc, those random guys in Tarukane's mansion, Toguro Ani, and Seaman.  
  
He also conveniently forgot that Sensui, a ONE HUNDRED PERCENT, BORN ON EARTH, NO DEMONIC ANCESTRY AT ALL HUMAN KICKED THE ASS OF HUMAN YUSUKE, AND THE COLLECTIVE ASSES OF YOUKO KURAMA, DRAGON-ABSORBED HIEI AND KUWABARA ALL AT THE SAME TIME. CONSECUTIVELY. ALL BY HIMSELF. WITH NO HELP. WHICH MAKES HIM STRONGER THAN TOGURO. AND KARASU. AND BUI. AND JIN. AND TOUYA. AND CHUU. AND RINKU. AND SHISHIWAKAMARU. AND SUZUKI. All of whom are demons, by the way.  
_  
"I really hate when they slam humans for no reason," Kuwabara grumbled, typing. "I mean, Sensui's a bastard, Tarukane's worse, but the innocents..."  
  
Yukina nodded. "I don't like it either," she said.  
  
_But sadly, we will no longer focus on Hiei, for even he is inferior to Kurama's bishounenness.  
  
Kurama's Reikai Suushin Compact beeped. (That's the communicator Botan uses!)  
  
"The youko thief has been spotted!" he cried. "We must hurry!"  
_  
"Isn't it Reikai Tsushin Compact?"  
  
"Yeah. Consider it misinformation."  
  
"Oh. Okay."  
  
"_Wait! We must be careful!" Kurama suddenly added. "The youko thief Cyoa is an S-class demon!"  
  
Cyoa and everyone around decided to ignore the fact that Super-A-class demons are quite rare; it took Yusuke's second death for Hiei and Youko Kurama to reach the A-class. Before, Hiei had been a mid-B-class. In the very beginning of the show, he had been a D-class. They also decided it was irrelevant that demons like Hiei and Kurama would not use the Letter- class system of demon-ranking. It was a Reikai system, so while Yusuke and Kuwabara might use it, all Hiei cared about was how he was ranked.  
  
Cyoa easily kept up with the fast demons. She felt the strangest sense of déjà vu around Kurama. Flipping her exotic purple hair, she pouted delicately.  
  
"Hiei," Kurama asked, in an attempt to distract himself from staring at Cyoa's plentiful breasts and tight ass, "What do you think we should do?"  
  
"Hn," Hiei replied.  
  
"Oh, good idea," Kurama said. "Do you think we should try a surprise attack?"  
  
"Hn," Hiei replied.  
  
"Yeah, that's much better. What about your dragon?"  
  
"Hn," Hiei replied.  
  
"Good! I'll use my Rose Whip as a distraction and you'll...?"  
  
"Hn hnhn hn hnnnn, hnny hn hn hn hnn hhhhhhnnnnn hny hn hn," Hiei replied.  
  
_Yukina giggled. "Hiei won't like that."  
  
"Won't like what?" Hiei asked sharply.  
  
Kuwabara and Yukina spun around to see a tousled, drowsy Hiei. All the more dangerous, since he had not had his morning coffee.  
  
Yukina swallowed. She didn't want to lie to her brother, but she didn't want to get Kazuma in trouble, either.  
  
Kuwabara smirked. He didn't really care what Hiei did. "I just... made fun of your speech pattern. Or lack thereof."  
  
Hiei raised an eyebrow. "That 'hn' crap?"  
  
"Yes, dear brother," Yukina said softly.  
  
Hiei rolled his three eyes. "I say it enough to noticeable, but geez. Did you add in the crap about Kurama decoding it?"  
  
"Oh yeah, you guys had a regular conversation in Hn-ese."  
  
Hiei quickly perused the passage Kuwabara had written. "Not bad," he admitted. "Stereotyped me quite well."  
  
"Thanks. Now if I can add that part about you and Kurama being horny sex- fiends...?"  
  
"Not a chance in hell."  
  
Hiei left to put on coffee, and Kuwabara and Yukina returned to the fic.  
  
_Kurama, Hiei and Cyoa magically reached the spot where the youko thief was spotted, because I'm just too damn lazy to add plot and detail.  
  
"Stop, in the name of love! Before you break my heart!" Kurama yelled. "I am the Romantic Soldier, Yu Yu Hakusho's sexiest and most popular character, and I shall kill you, unless the fans decide you are hot, and then we must have many fics written where we make hot, passionate and occasionally painful love."  
  
Hiei 'hn-ed' in agreement.  
  
"Die," the youko thief said. "But not really. You must get horribly beaten up and near death and have a gay, cuddly scene with Hiei and slash or Yusuke and then you must angst and then you must kill me in a cleverly painful way."  
  
Hiei 'hn-ed' in agreement.  
  
Kurama doubled over in pain, screaming, and letting blood gush all over his clothes. (AN: Just imagine the fight with Karasu, k?) He blinked prettily before passing out. Unexplainable rage filled Cyoa, as she lashed out at the youko thief. She Killed It In A Cool, Flashy Way, that our heroes can only guess at.  
  
But since I just now remembered that Cyoa and Cyoa the youko are the same person, as I forgot while imagining how sexy Kurama must be without his shirt, I must end the chapter and think about how to write myself out of this plot hole.  
  
BUT I WILL NOT UPDATE UNLESS I GET EIGHTEEN BAJILLION KATRILLION QUILLION ILLION MILLION TO THE NINTH POWER SQUARED TIMES INFINITY PLUS A GOOGOLPLEX REVIEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
kUrAmA nO kOiBiTo-sama  
_  
Hiei returned with coffee, as the other people in the apartment entered the living room. Kurama, Yusuke, and Shizuru immediately dove for the coffee cups on Hiei's tray—all three of them.  
  
Pissed, Hiei returned to the kitchen to pour more. Hopefully down their backs.  
  
Genkai re-read Kuwabara's addition to the fanfiction. She snickered at the shots at Hiei and Kurama.  
  
"Get up, boy. My turn."  
  
_Hiei carefully carried the bodies of Kurama and Cyoa to Genkai's Temple. Just because. Genkai was THERE, and therefore, she could HELP. Somehow. Even though she would prefer not to be bothered, and play Game Battler all day. She was still pissed over not having beaten Game-mao except for that one time and was determined to do it again.  
  
Though, she was perfectly content kicking the collective asses of Yusuke, Kurama and Kuwabara at Dragonball Z: Budokai.  
  
_"Can't you lay off the video game thing? We know you kicked our asses!"  
  
_By the time Cyoa and Kurama woke up, EVERYONE was at Genkai's temple. Just because they could be. Yukina was making tea. She had spent all night trying to heal Kurama and Cyoa, and was very tired. She conveniently forgot that Botan and Genkai were also healers, and could have helped her. But she didn't remember. Just because.  
  
Yukina gazed out the window, and decided to Angst over her Missing Brother. Just because.  
  
Kuwabara Magically Appeared, and attempted to Woo Her. She winced.  
  
"Oh, my darling Yuki-chan," Kuwabara recited, "I love you like the bee loves the rose!" The authoress has decided to pretend she has seen the Japanese version, and knows that Kuwabara calls Yukina Yuki-chan. What she doesn't know is that in over seventy episodes, he has never called her Yuki- chan. Not once.  
  
Kuwabara was a moron and an idiot and she wished he would leave her alone. He kept saying Annoying Things, and generally Making A Fool Of Himself. She decided to Ignore Him. She did NOT love him. He was just a stupid human.  
  
Hiei Magically Appeared, and killed Kuwabara. He accidentally dropped a Hint about their Relationship, and Yukina had trouble deciding if she should cluelessly ignore it, or just pretend to cluelessly ignore it and continue angsting, only this time to reveal that she knew they were siblings.  
  
_"That's harsh," Yukina protested, stirring chocolate milk and sugar into the iced coffee Hiei had given her. "Please change it, Master."  
  
"I'm only exaggerating," Genkai said gently. "Don't fret."  
  
_Kurama and Yusuke then Magically Appeared, and Made Fun Of Hiei, at great risk to their well-being.  
  
Koenma strode into the temple. "Hi, Yukina-chan!" He chorused cheerfully, in his Much Sexier Teen Form. The authoress has decided since Teen Koenma is Better, Kid Koenma will not appear. Because. Nyah.  
  
Ogre is not here, because he sucks.  
_  
"No, I don't!" Jorge Saotome cried, as he, Koenma and Botan walked into the door. He heard Yusuke reading it out loud. "And my name is Jorge! Just watch the Sensui arc!"  
  
_Botan was with him, though.  
  
"Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Yukiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiina!" She cried happily. "How are youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu?"  
  
"I'm fine. How are you?"  
  
"BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINGO-TASTIC! Meow!"  
  
_"Okay, that's too much," Botan complained. "I'm not that bad, am I?"  
  
"Actually, yes, you are."  
  
"Your default tone sounds like a glorified drunk head cheerleader on speed who just downed a twenty-four pack of Mountain Dew and a pound of sugar."  
  
"_Where is Yusuke?" Koenma asked.  
  
"Present and ready to kick ass," Yusuke said.  
  
Kuwabara jumped up and decided not to be dead anymore. "The Great Kazuma Kuwabara is ready to kick ass."  
  
Hiei hn-ed and entered the room. "Let's kick ass."  
  
Kurama and Cyoa then magically recovered and joined their teammates.  
  
"We'll kick his ass together," they chorused, holding hands and generally looking at each other like sick dogs. They just had a long, detailed Confession of Love and Realization of Past Identities, and made Hot, Passionate and Occasionally Painful love.  
  
Koenma smiled.  
  
"I feel like an ass today!" He said cheerfully. "That big youko thief is back, and you know what? I'm going drop another mission on your heads just because!"  
  
_Koenma snorted. "I am sick and tired of being made out as a cruel, insensitive jerk."  
  
Yusuke blinked. "But... you ARE. You're a jerk, at least."  
  
"But not insensitive!" Koenma cried, pacifier hanging dangerously out the side of his mouth. "I feel! I angst! I have character development! I'll show them insensitive, just gimme that computer!"  
  
And plunking his baby butt down, Koenma began to write.  
  
_"Aw, Koenma!" Yusuke complained loudly. "We just had a mission!"  
  
"My sister is going to kill me if I don't go home," Kuwabara added. "Just not on screen, because she doesn't have a living love interest, and therefore has no point being in fanfiction."  
  
_"Too true," Shizuru muttered.  
  
_"I know!" Koenma said. "But I'm just going to sit on my fat ass and eat and watch you almost die BECAUSE I AM THE BOSS! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"  
_  
"Dude, you do that anyway."  
  
"Sensui arc."  
  
"You really enjoyed that, didn't you?"  
  
"Hell yeah."  
  
"_Why us?" Yusuke demanded.  
  
"Hn," Hiei agreed.  
  
_"Can we quit with the hn thing?" Hiei asked. "It's getting really old."  
  
Kurama walked into the room, Keiko and Puu, trailing behind him. "Have they stopped making fun of me in general?"  
  
"Not yet."  
  
"Then no."  
  
_"Anyway, better get going!" Koenma called cheerily.  
  
"Wait," Genkai said. "First, we must have a Clever Plan."  
  
_"Can any of you think of a Clever Plan?" Koenma asked. "I'm stumped."  
  
"We'll do it later," Yusuke decided. "Let's have breakfast first."


	3. The Grandly Crappy Finale!

Yusuke yawned, as Kuwabara poured him another cup of coffee. Shizuru was forcing her brother to play host, and it was really beginning to amuse Yusuke.  
  
Hiei, on the other hand, was far past amused, and beginning to enjoy himself.  
  
'Shock horror," Yusuke thought, smirking.  
  
"Fry me another egg," the little fire demon demanded, trying not to grin like an idiot. This was actually, dare he say it, fun. Even better than mocking those stupid preteen girls parading around as novelists.  
  
"I'll fry your ass in a minute," Kuwabara snapped. "Better yet, I think I'll just crack it on your head and let you fry it yourself."  
  
"You would not DARE."  
  
"Oh, I dare. Isn't egg good for dry, damaged hair, Kurama?"  
  
"Leave me out of this," the redhead answered, distracted. He was attempting to read the paper and butter his pancakes at the same time.  
  
Botan examined the ends of her ponytail. "Is it really?" she asked. "I can't get rid of these split ends."  
  
Keiko frowned at her. "I didn't know spirits got split ends."  
  
Shizuru set a plate of bacon before the two girls. "Try Pantene Pro-V, sweetheart. That'll do the trick."  
  
Kuwabara cracked the egg over Hiei's head.  
  
Hiei attempted to crack Kuwabara's head.  
  
Shizuru socked them both in the gut.  
  
---  
  
One hour and two frantic healing sessions courtesy of Botan and Yukina, the group gathered in the living room to finish that damned parody fic.  
  
Yusuke sat himself at the computer, and cracked his knuckles experimentally. "All right, ladies and gents... and Hiei, Kurama and Kuwabara."  
  
"Go screw yourself."  
  
"This is the beginning of the end," he said, ignoring Hiei's rude comment. "Now is the time to resolve all this crazy crap, and our only chance to stick in any last stereotypes. It's my turn, but I'll take requests."  
  
"Here's my request," Genkai began. "Shut up and write, so I can try to kill all these annoying Heartless."  
  
"Getting into RPGs?"  
  
"Yeah. Those fighting games are way too easy."  
  
_Genkai surveyed the Reikai Tantei critically. Reikai is the spirit world, and Tantei are detectives, isn't that cool? I bet you didn't know that.  
  
"Are we clear on the Clever Plan?"  
  
"Yessss."  
  
"Then go!"  
  
Before leaving, Kurama took Cyoa aside, and pulled her to him, kissing her gently.  
  
_"Hey, Kurama, man, can I take a few more jabs at ya?"  
  
"Fine."  
  
_"I love you," he whispered, in his husky alto voice. Do you know what alto means? Me neither, but that's how everyone describes his voice, so it must fit!!  
  
_"What does alto mean?" Yusuke asked.  
  
"It's a low singing voice for a woman," Kurama explained. "My voice in Japanese is done by a woman, and she makes a real effort to speak low for it, so that's where it comes from I guess. Never mind most of them have only heard my English voice, which is something of a baritone, I think. I believe a baritone is in between a tenor and a bass."  
  
"What are those?"  
  
"Tenor is high for a man, bass is low for a man," Hiei answered. "In English, I'm a tenor. In Japanese, I'm a bass. Both of your voices, Yusuke, sound somewhere in the middle. Kuwabara's English voice is pretty bass, but sometimes it's too gravely to tell."  
  
"My Japanese voice can hit a soprano on a good day, though," the human pointed out. "That is high for a woman, high for anyone."  
  
_Cyoa cuddled against him, as they delved into a make out session worthy of a cheesy paperback romance. Insert lots of repetitive metaphors for tongues battling and lips locking here. I've never actually made out with anyone except my picture of Tom Felton, so I'm just stealing metaphors I've seen in other fics.  
  
If you want the lemon version, go to my site!!!!!!!_  
  
"Yusuke! You had better delete that right now, or you'll be dead faster than you can say 'fertilizer!'"  
  
_Kuwabara then stupidly walked in on them and began making moves on Cyoa, because he is Stupid and Girl Crazy.  
  
_"Urameshi! You had better delete that right now, or you'll be dead faster than you can say 'on guard!"  
  
_But since Yukina now suddenly loves Kuwabara, Hiei came in and killed him!!!  
  
_"Yusuke!"  
  
"What??"  
  
"...Keep going."  
  
"You damned pipsqueak!"  
  
_After Kuwabara died, and was mysteriously resurrected, the Reikai Tantei continued to the area of the Youko Thief's last heist. Kurama was very concerned for his new lover's health, and showed it, by acting like Kuwabara and reciting lots of poetry and lovely things and giving her roses and things.  
  
Cyoa spent most of the walk conveniently cuddled against him breathing in his scent of roses. Because he, um, smells like roses. Despite the fact that Kurama probably has to shave, being 15, and so use aftershave. And deodorant. Roses are just Kurama's Thing, and therefore he smells like them, looks like them and um, generally, IS them.  
  
After an undisclosed period of walking, the gang was overrun by Many Weak Demons! Many of them!!!!  
  
"Yusuke, Kuwabara, Hiei! Defeat these Many Weak Demons, and therefore, Waste Time!" Kurama ordered. "We'll go further!"  
  
"Rei-gun!"  
  
"Rei-ken!"  
  
Many Weak Demons Died Quickly.  
  
"Oh no, there are more," Hiei deadpanned. "I must use my Most Ultimate Secret Technique, which I can only use in Extreme Emergencies, and so far have Only Used Twice, the Jaou Ensatsu Kokuryuuha!"  
  
Hiei sexily unwrapped the sexy bandages from his sexy arms...  
  
_"You know," Shizuru began, "maybe those shounen ai fans are onto something. I mean, with all the times these boys have called each other sexy..."  
  
_...and yelled with all his might, "JAOU ENSATSU KOKURYUUHA!" He conveniently forgot that when summoning the dragon, and only the dragon, he didn't usually add the 'Jaou.' When using the Jaou Ensatsu Ken or Jaou Ensatsu Rengoku Sho, he said Jaou, but not for the kokuryuuha.  
  
EVERYTHING CONVENIENLY DIES.  
  
"Ain't that the truth."  
  
Except the Mysterious Youko Thief, who was Kurama's former lover! That dog! Um, fox, thingy.  
  
"Hurry, fox," Hiei called, despite the fact that, by all rights, after using the Kokuryuuha, he should be on the ground, fast asleep.  
  
"Whoops, almost forgot that one."  
  
"You must defeat her!" Everyone yelled, as they were conveniently weakened from the Many Weak Demons. It was Kurama's time to shine, and outwit them all.  
  
"I repeat: Ain't that the truth."  
  
Kurama's eyes glowed yellow, because he was showing his much sexier inner youko!!  
  
_"Again with the boys calling each other sexy..."  
  
"Fine," Yusuke said. "You wanna do it, Shizuru?"  
  
"Please," Yukina murmured. "May I?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
_Kurama glared ferociously at his ferocious rival.  
  
_"Um, is it possible that ferocious is the biggest word a common fanfiction writer would know?" Yukina asked.  
  
Shizuru nodded. "Oh yes. Very, very possible. Not counting Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious."  
  
_"I will not forgive you," he declared valiantly, in his very pleasant tenor voice. Or is it bass? I forgot, was I pretending to have seen the Japanese version again?  
  
Oh well. You know what his voice sounds like, don't you?!! You must or OMG you are SO not a YYH fan!  
  
Kurama began to change into Youko. Youko is who he was before he became human. Or actually youko is his species, not his name. Just like Jaganshi (Evil Eye Master) is Hiei's title, not his name. But I didn't know that. Now you do.  
  
The Mysterious Youko Thief quivered in terror as Kurama's hair lengthened and turned silver. Everyone conveniently forgot that Kurama always changes behind a veil of smoke and youki so that we never see it.  
  
Everyone also conveniently forgot that Kurama either needs a special drug or extreme emotional distress to become Youko. Like Yusuke dying.  
  
Youko Kurama, the sexiest character on the show, stood before the Mysterious Youko Thief.  
  
He pulled a seed out of his hair. "This is a Random Plant," he explained. "It does a Deadly Thing. I am now going to grow this plant, and then stand here as it Kills You."  
  
And that's exactly what he did.  
  
FLASH FORWARD!!!  
  
KURAMA and CYOA live HAPPILY EVER AFTER.  
  
HIEI and YUKINA learn THE TRUTH.  
  
SHIZURU, ATSUKO, and KEIKO do not EXIST.  
  
YUSUKE... um... FIGHTS.  
  
_"Yeah, have you noticed I'm not even stereotyped?"  
  
_BOTAN is HAPPY.  
  
JORGE is ANNOYING.  
  
KOENMA is BOSSY.  
  
KAZUMA is LOVESICK.  
  
_"Yukina, you're too nice."  
  
"Shut up, Sister."  
  
_AND THE WORLD WAS SAFE.  
_  
"Man, that sucked," Yusuke said.  
  
"Wasn't that the whole point?" 


End file.
